After a 6-month deeply stressful, Dark-Night-Of-The-Soul event, in typical Stacey- fashion, I decided a week would be enough to fix me up.
“I’ll integrate 4 or 5 major life transitions… in a week. No biggie”
While the Universe had a big belly laugh over that, Life decided to show me there was no getting around taking the rest that my body desperately needed.
Which is why, on my very first day of heading out on a trek to explore the island, I was gleefully heading to the edge of a cliff to take in the amazing view and Boom! down I went!
Flat on my back, writhing in pain, couldn’t get up. I had sprained my ankle badly – and from the way I went down, it seemed like it was sprained in about 3 different places.
That was 6 weeks ago.
For 3 weeks, I couldn’t walk on it. Still can’t without pain.
And just like that, I was forced to get the rest I desperately needed.
Sensing that I was going to push it before I was ready, whatever Force knocked me on my ass the first time decided in week 4 that a little relapse was in order!
It would be another week or so before I went out of the house regularly.
I was reminded of something I already know:
You will always get what you need and that often differs from what you want.
And if you’ve been around here for awhile, you won’t be surprised to learn that I DID NOT heed that wisdom! Yes, I may be a touch stubborn.
I thought I’d outsmart this by working while I was off my feet.
At least be productive, right?
Nothing was flowing. Complete mental block.
On top of this, my guidance which is always there for me was silent. No doubt because I wouldn’t heed the much-needed message that was it was trying to impart.
Finally, after about the 6th week, I awoke in the middle of the night from a sound sleep, eyes wide open, tossing and turning, my mind was racing with crazy thoughts.
You know the kind… all of those worst-case-scenario thoughts for situations that will never come to pass anyway.
I said to my guides, God, or whoever was listening, “I give up. I have no idea what I’m doing, where I’m going now, what you want me to do next and I need some guidance. But I’m telling you, I won’t try to do another thing until you tell me what to do.”
And then I heard, Pray.
Then it hit me…
Part of the reason that I was so out of alignment is because, in the midst of all of this chaos and jumping into a new life, I haven’t been keeping up with my morning practice.
And then I heard: Purify my thoughts.
Instinctively I knew this was the prayer of surrender I needed in that moment.
I started repeating those words, as a mantra, as I lay there waiting for relief.
And each time one of those crazy thoughts ran through my mind, I said: “Purify my thoughts”.
It worked. Calm again, I soon fell asleep.
The next morning, I woke up and as I sat in morning practice, the ideas started flowing again. I journaled what was coming to me because I knew everything coming to me was going to be important moving forward.
After 6 weeks, I got the lesson that my guidance had been wanting me to learn. And with that, I got back into flow.
I cannot control healing. I cannot do it all by myself. And I was never meant to.
Time was needed to integrate all that I had experienced over 6 months.
It would take time. And I am now willing to give it all the time it needs.
I can feel myself more deeply surrendering to the uncertainty of this new situation.
Once again, I’m excited to see what’s coming and curious for what shows up next… albeit patiently.