Years ago I started a relationship with a man who had everything I was looking for… loving, funny, met me where I was intellectually and spiritually, loved life and he had the most calming presence.

But something was off and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

It just didn’t compute so I reflected on this over the course of the following month.

And one day it came to me… I was bored.

Really? Bored? Yep, I was bored. “God, Stacey that is so shallow of you”, said my inner critic.

But why was I bored? I was getting all that I needed. I enjoyed every minute of our time together. So what was going on?

It turns out it wasn’t so much what we were doing but rather, what we weren’t doing.

There was no drama!

Having never been in a relationship that was absent of drama of some sort or another, I didn’t know what a drama-free life actually felt like.  

And I read it incorrectly as boring when it was simply healthy.

I wondered how many times in my life I had thrown something out because of my inability at the time to appreciate the lack of drama.

Can you recall times in your life that has happened to you? Let’s make sure it never does!

Here are 7 things you need to know so you can recognize what’s happening and uncrown yourself from that drama queen life you’ve got going on!


Wherever you go, there you are.

It’s not all the stuff.

The promotion. The car. The clothes. The house. The relationship.

If you aren’t happy without all the stuff, you won’t be happy with it.

If you aren’t happy where you are, you won’t be happy at all.


Be like The Gambler.

Know when to hold ‘em, fold ‘em, know when to walk away and when to run.

Job, friends, lovers, locations, whatever.

You have set your standards. Your non-negotiables. Your boundaries.

Now stick to them. If you don’t, no one else will. Then drama comes knocking.    


Give it breathing room.

You can manipulate and control a person or situation all you want but if that is what you have to do to have it in your life, is it really worth having?

If you take a wait-and-see approach, you’ll see what they really want to do.

Don’t waste your life resisting something that’s meant to happen… or not.


Woman up.

There isn’t one damn thing that’s attractive about not owning your own part in a situation.

Own your shadow attributes, own your mistakes.

Call yourself out.

If you are claiming you want to stand in your truth, being accountable is the only way to do that. It can’t happen without it.  

Otherwise, those are just words. And your actions will betray them every time.


Change your definition of closure.

Because now, it’s messed up.

Closure is a pretty label we put on something trying in vain to get an alternative ending.

Your definition never works because nothing other than what you really wanted to happen will bring this to a close in your mind and heart.

Closure happens when you accept what is.

And, since you are choosing it, you decide when this ends for you.

Change the ending.


If you can’t be happy alone, you won’t be happy with another.

If you aren’t able to self-soothe, to fill the void in you in healthy ways, to be with and love yourself in that empty space, no other person can do it either.

Looking to others to fill you up is a certain path to future pain, guaranteed.  

Entering any relationship from a place of lack will cause every choice you make in that relationship to be based in fear of losing it.


You’re not a rehab center.

It’s not your job to heal people and you couldn’t if you wanted to.

That’s their responsibility, not yours. Their lessons to get, not yours.

But while you’re there, have a look around you.

Are there a lot of people in your life who seem to need help?

Why do you suppose you are attracting those people?





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