Years ago, I had a client whose entire life fell apart.

I mean utterly and completely gone.

She had become a shell of the woman she once knew.

She did not know how to rebuild. Why?

Well, it was revealed that she didn’t allow herself to dream.

And, it wasn’t even a matter of “allow”… it was more that she didn’t know how.

This was challenging – how do you teach someone to dream?

Well, we worked through it, she leaned into it and discovered a way that worked for her.


Most women I see complain about their lives on some level.

I’ve been one of them. Are you?

If so, let me ask you this…

Are you bored with your life – or are you being boring?

Are you uninterested in everything – or are you not interesting?

Are you not entertained by your life – or are you not entertaining?

Notice the difference.

One is happening because you are not actively participating in your life.

There’s an expectation that the world is going to fulfill your every desire and need.

That ain’t real life.

There is always a way to make even the smallest change and light up your life in some way and it is only up to you to do that.

Life is a co-creative process.

That requires you be an active participant.

And it isn’t going to happen binging on Netflix each night.

Listen, there have been times when I’ve done this more than I would have liked.

You put the new season of Bridgerton or Ozarks in front of me and I’m binging it!

Am I distracted by it? Definitely. Am I fulfilled by it? Absolutely not.

So if we say we want more exciting, fulfilling, connected lives, why do we accept the status quo?

I want to share one question with you that I ask everyone, including myself, to get to the root of why we refuse to make a change and continue to tolerate situations in our lives:

What’s your payoff?

This question has changed my life.

It’s changed the lives of my clients, too.

Although there is a much deeper dive involved when we work together, I want to get you accustomed to questioning yourself in this way.

What’s your payoff for reaching out to your ex when he treated you like shit your whole relationship?

What’s your payoff for keeping that broken toaster? 

What’s your payoff for staying in that disconnected marriage that is making you sad and miserable? (that was me!)  

What’s your payoff for staying 15 years at that soul-sucking job cubicle job you hate? (this was also me!)  

What we think is the problem with our lives, is rarely the problem with our lives.

We refuse to evolve out of situations or people because that means whatever need is being met (the payoff) will now have to find another way to be met.

And that can be uncomfortable.

But payoffs aren’t inherently bad.

Example, you donate to a charity – it gives you the payoff of feeling great and helping others. Nothing bad there. Payoff just the same.

Start asking that question every time you make a choice, respond to that person, send off that email…

Get in the habit of calling yourself out.

And watch your life become more exciting, interesting and entertaining than ever before.