The #1 complaint I hear when I talk to women – and I speak to a lot of you! – is that you are exhausted.

Of course, it may be physical. It may be an illness draining your energy. It might be a hormonal shift due to peri/menopause. It might be you just need to pop a vitamin.

But have you considered that it is none of those things?

Could it be that you have the power in your hot little hands right now to change that?

I say it’s highly likely. Because it’s often the not-so-obvious that is making us sick.

So here are 3 things that I know drain our energy and make us exhausted and you probably don’t even realize it! Check it out…


  • Energy Vampires – people who just suck the life out of you. That’s what they do. That’s their job. The Vampire is actually an archetype and, in its shadow, they tend to be people who are physically, emotionally, sexually, or financially needy or clingy. That’s a very broad, non-specific list, of course. You likely know one. Hell, you might even be one! How to tell?

Here’s how: if you have a vampire in your life, you won’t want to see that person. You do whatever you can to avoid their calls or texts. Or dread responding. You hide when they come to your door. It’s the co-worker you try and avoid in the kitchen. You don’t even know why… you just feel worse after seeing or talking to them. You might feel tired, maybe more negative than usual. All of a sudden, you’re in a bad mood. They’re often what we call high-maintenance people. They require a lot of attention. They have depleted their own life force energy and are moving on to yours.

The RX: Limit your time with them and, if at all possible, stop seeing them altogether. Be aware of how you feel before and after being in their presence.


  • Not being here, now. Focusing on the past or the future gets you stuck in a loop of overthinking which is a massive energy drain. How does it do that?

Here’s how: Focusing on the past makes you depressed; focusing on the future makes you anxious. All of it drains your energy. Focusing on the past means you’re hooked on what mighta, woulda, coulda, shoulda been. It makes you sad and disappointed. If you’re in that state too long, it leads to despair. Equally, worrying about the uncertainty of the future and all of the what-ifs and yeah-buts leaves you drained. It ramps up your cortisol levels which increases your overall stress. And increased stress over long periods is exhausting. All of that over something that may never happen.

The RX: When you notice yourself drifting to either a past or future state, snap yourself out of it. This noticing is a mini-awakening and you should use it for the opportunity that this awareness is providing you and that is to pay attention to this moment. Find something in this moment to be grateful for. Affix your gaze on something beautiful in the room. Think of your children or your partner. Or your dog doing something you love… that’s what I use 🙂


  • Being nice. It’s physically draining all of your life force energy. Nice is defined as being pleasurable and agreeable in nature. And it’s killing you. How?

Here’s how: First, it is adding to your daily to-do list. Unnecessarily. Which means, you have more to do through the course of your day, one more thing added to your list, that you don’t want to do. Taking away yet another precious hour from you that you could be spending on yourself so that you can easily and lovingly do all the things that you really MUST do.

Second, you’re betraying yourself. Every time you agree to do something you don’t want to do – and no, I’m not referring to the things we HAVE to do – you are lying to yourself. And those lies create a response in your being that says ‘I can’t trust you to do what is best for me’. And this erodes your self-trust. It sends a message to yourself that you have no safety and security in this world.

The RX: Say no. Full stop. No explanation needed. Be kind, yes, of course – always! Because “kind” and “nice” are not the same thing. But say no when you mean no.

I’ll give you a sentence that I heard from someone years ago that I use myself all the time: “That’s going to be a no for me – thanks for asking though.” That’s it. Keep repeating it until you become a master at it. It gets easier every time you do it.

There is plenty going on out there over which we have no power.

We have a lot of power over the things that take our energy and what we give our attention.

And with all that we have to face in the world right now, giving away our precious life force energy is not an option.





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