We’re at the beginning of a new decade and it’s a great time to reflect on the past ten years.
What is one thing you knew at the end of 2019 that you wished you knew at the start of the decade?
When I try to answer that, the list is long.
But if I had to distill all of the wisdom I gained over the past ten years down to one thing it would be this: non-attachment is the key to freedom.
Pretty big statement? Maybe. But it is a pretty big truth.
So what is it?
Non-attachment is the practice of allowing your well-being to rely solely on your own self-love, self-respect and self-acceptance rather than the state of external situations or relationships.
What non-attachment is not is indifference, separating yourself from the rest of the world and showing a general lack of care and concern for humanity.
Non-attachment actually puts you in a place of being able to love humankind unconditionally. And this is where most people get these terms twisted.
Stay with me on this because your freedom is at stake.
You can love unconditionally because, when you practice non-attachment, your happiness no longer depends on anything outside of you. You still love all the people, places and things but your self-esteem is so strong that you no longer require perfect conditions be met in order to be happy.
Once you reach a state of knowing you are okay with everything as it is rather than the way it used to be or how it could have been in the future, you can more easily love unconditionally.
A lot of people think loving unconditionally means they’ll go soft. They’ll lose their edge. They won’t be fun, have fun or be as funny as they once were. I know this because I had all of these thoughts. But it isn’t true at all.
In fact, practicing non-attachment in all your relationships lets you be more of your badass self because you are not posing as someone you’re not just to be accepted. You accept yourself and that is enough.
It may sound easy but there is a catch…isn’t there always!?
The catch is that you must allow others to stand in their truth as well. They will also have boundaries and standards that they require be met. And you must honour those, as they do yours.
And so it creates this amazing chain reaction: letting go of your attachments creates more honest connections which brings about greater closeness with everyone in your life.
It creates freedom to love people, without expectations and conditions, which in turn gives them the freedom to do the same.
It works because every person feels seen, heard and met just where they are, without pretence. And that is freeing.
The focus becomes what you want the end result to be rather than convincing or manipulating a person or situation to get what you want.
And hey, you don’t need to manipulate it, right? You know your standards in any given situation because you’ve done your personal inquiry and you know what works for you. They know theirs. Why would you want to be in a situation where everyone wasn’t getting their needs met, anyway?
Setting your boundaries and standards is something that should be ongoing in your life as you grow, as circumstances change, as people dance in and out of your life. Yours will evolve over time.
Basically, we’re talking about freedom from ego here and, since that is the only thing in life that truly holds us back, nothing feels better than it releasing its stranglehold over our life.
Living a life of non-attachment is the key to living a life of integrity so that your thoughts, beliefs and words are in alignment with your actions.
But don’t misread all of this freedom, happiness and love as me saying living a life of non-attachment will guarantee a pain-free life. We came here to experience the human condition and that means feeling the entire spectrum of emotion. Don’t hide from that!
What non-attachment does guarantee is that you will get more of what you want and hurt less in your relationships with people.
And that makes the effort worth it.
Hey, I have a question for you…
Are you a woman who would love a little more support in your life?
If yes, come join us in The Ladies’ Room!
It’s a private space I’m creating for women only where we can connect,
support and laugh with each other to up the happiness factor in our lives.
We’re growing a movement over there and would love to see you!
Curious? Click here to add your name to the list. Then you’ll be among the first
to hear what’s going on in The Ladies’ Room!