Quick quiz: how many times have you done something you didn’t want to do? Said yes when you meant no? Do you even know why you did that?

Women have a problem saying no.

We’re taught to be all things to all people and indirectly told to put ourselves last on the list.

Even though it is deeply engrained in us, there is enough information out there that we should have been able to figure this out by now.

So why haven’t we thrown out this belief with the trash if it is just an outdated patriarchal idea.

There is an additional reason we put ourselves last that we need to examine.  

Through my own struggle with setting boundaries and saying NO! I’ve discovered 3 big areas that are major red flags to getting on track.

Acceptance – many of us grew up not feeling loved and accepted by our families which moves into adulthood. If you felt that way, chances are good that you learned early that doing what people asked made you feel accepted when pretty regularly you simply didn’t.

Admiration – Do you know someone who takes on project after project and never says no? She seems to have an endless well of energy. Chances are she is not some super-human powerhouse. She might just be looking for the kudos she gets from doing #AllTheThings which gives her the illusion of feeling filled up.

Approval – Much like acceptance, if you grew up feeling a lack of love in your life, or if you felt rejected or abandoned by those in your original circle, you say yes when you mean no so you can get what you’ve always been searching for. It is a thirst that is never quenched. Usually, it is the approval of that original person we want but never get. So, it shows up in our environments in our adult lives. It results in constantly saying yes when we want to say no because we are seeking that elusive approval.  

Do you know what yours are?

Consider where you might be struggling or challenged in each of these 3 areas. Knowing why you do something is half the issue.

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