There she was. Seven-year-old me patiently waiting for this version of me, decades older now, to finally see her.
To bring forward this repressed trauma that had suddenly and without warning come into my awareness needing to be witnessed.
I was sharing it with a friend as I processed it and, upon hearing the experience, she said, “Well, you’re going to have to share that with your people!”
I responded emphatically, “Um, no I do not.”
Now, knowing me, I will at some point because my life’s work is dedicated to sharing what I’ve learned so others can grow from it and cut down on their own learning curves.
I 100% believe that each of our lives is a classroom.
Its teachings, through the traumatic events and times of struggle, are sacred.
Through them we gain humility, grace and wisdom.
And they should be treated with the reverence they deserve.
They are sacred.
Not everyone has earned the right to hear your sacred stories before you are ready to share them.
Sharing anything today – not just past pain – can come at the cost of your peace. It can add a lot of unnecessary drama to your life.
But sharing with the wrong people – or too many people – can slow down your ability to process, move through what you’re struggling with and bring in all sorts of drama where it isn’t needed.
Remember this one sentence to ditch the drama in your life:
Keep your life private.
I know that can seem like a radical notion when we’re in the age social media that says we need constant validation from people.
But not everything in life requires an opinion.
Here are 3 things you might want to think twice before sharing:
Your personal life.
Why we share this kind of thing: Attention. Sympathy. Lack of self-trust about how to handle something. No confidence in whether you are perceiving the situation correctly.
The reality of sharing this: No good can come from sharing too many details about your marriage or your intimate relationships. If your partner discovers this, it can often feel like betrayal. But sometimes, you need to share. If you can’t yet talk to your partner directly, keep it between you and one trusted friend.
Why we share this kind of thing: To make you feel important. As a status-builder. For people to perceive you in a certain light. Genuine excitement and you just want to share your joy.
The reality of sharing this: Not everyone will be happy for you and, depending on your sharing circle, will find ways to criticize it. Be especially careful of this if you’ve got a lot of people in your circle who are quick to envy.
Why we share this kind of thing: Excitement. You may want to share to get some more momentum going for you. Maybe you’re a little nervous about your decision. Maybe you’re not quite sure and are looking for a little encouragement. You may want a second opinion.
The reality of sharing this: Not everyone will be happy for you and, depending on your sharing circle, will find ways to put down your plans. You’ll know this by seeing how they interact with their lives. Do they stay in the confines of what they are told they should want? Have the ever “gone for it”? Do they always find ways to stay small rather than expand their joy? Run it through a filter before sharing with anyone because the early stages of any plans you have are when they are at their most fragile. Whatever your plans, they need to have room to grow and develop – any discouragement might end them before they start. That goes for travelling, quitting a job, moving out of country, buying a house, having a child, getting a divorce… you never know what will trigger someone else’s smallness.
Treat your life as the sacred teaching tool it is.
When you start respecting your life more, you’ll be surprised how some people start treating you better and how those who were hanging around for their drama fix begin to fall away.
Questions for Reflection:
How do you know what to share, when and with whom?
- Ask yourself what your intention is for sharing. What’s the real reason why you are sharing this?
- Who are you sharing this with? Why this person or this on this forum? Look at the history of the receiver. How do you imagine they will receive this information?