A co-worker caught me red-handed. She walked in on me and saw me doing it. Talking to myself, that is. You ever do that?
I needed to have a hard conversation and I was practicing how that would go. By the look on her face I could tell she thought I was having a mental break with reality.
So I did the only thing one can do in that situation; I pretended she was the crazy one for never doing it!
Besides, I have a theory… I think most people do this but it is one of those things that no one talks about. Like procrastination. We all do it; no one mentions it!
I talk to myself often. I practice having conversations that are hard. Sometimes I look in the mirror while doing it. Sometimes while driving. Sometimes I’m in the bathtub. Anywhere works.
It takes away the element of being at a loss for words. When your emotions are high, recalling what you wanted to say can be difficult. So if I’ve gone over it aloud many times, muscle memory kicks in to a certain extent.
Anyway, temporary embarrassment aside, that convo went as planned and I know that this practice I have helped in that – it always does!
In today’s world, just having what was once a regular conversation about opinions and beliefs can prove to be like walking through a minefield.
I want to help you with that.
Here are 5 quick tips for you to maneuver those difficult conversation that you need to have or might encounter in the days and months to come.
Breath. This is about grounding yourself in the here and now. Doing this before you start any important conversation will improve the end result. Start by taking 3 or 4 deep breaths, inhaling through the nose, exhaling through the mouth. Your mind stops racing, your body unclenches, you take your emotions down a few notches. You become aware of the present moment. This sets you up for success.
Be gracious. This is about how the other person perceives you showing up for this discussion. It’s about opening up. You want to approach this from a place of curiosity about the other person’s point of view. Be loving with your words and kind with your actions. Even if you don’t feel like it – that’s grace. It’s about the energy you bring and they will feel it as soon as they enter the room, pick up the phone or get on that video chat. It doesn’t matter what you say, the energy that you bring to the interaction will tell them the truth every time. So get into that heart space first. They will want to soften toward you in return.
Let Go. This requires you to have a little faith and trust. Trust that you don’t have to control this conversation. Trust that you can release any agendas you might have and have faith that the highest good for all will be done. Trust that your emotions are transient and will fall away if you sit with them and continue to listen with an open heart.
Show Up. Look into their eyes as they speak. Feel their heart as they speak their feelings to you. Sense the energy they are giving off. Feel into the deeper meaning, into what is not being said. If you are doing this you won’t get stuck on what they said two minutes ago. Deeply feel what they are saying.
Be honest. Stand in your integrity. That means your thoughts, belief and words match your actions. And there is a way to do that, no matter how hurt you may be or justified in retaliation you may feel. Do it lovingly. Kindly. With compassion. Take another breath to re-ground yourself if you need to. Drop all the stories around this and just speak from your heart. Dare to vulnerable.
These hard conversations get easier with practice. Eventually, it becomes second nature. There will always be convos you just don’t want to have no matter how easy it becomes.
If we can detach from the stories we create around each situation we are in, we can take a lot of the charge out of the hard conversations.
How you approach each one sets the tone for it – energetically, the other person will respond with openness or defensiveness.
Stop worrying about controlling what is out of your hands and focus on controlling the only thing you can – you.
Hey, have you joined our FREE Facebook community yet?
Well, what are you waiting for?! Come on over and meet women
like you who want to get clear, confident and ditch the drama for good!