I have a friend who has everything going for her. She’s gorgeous and smart. She’s easy-going and has a fun, carefree life with a ton of friends. What she doesn’t have is “the dream”: the husband, the kids and all that comes with it.
Here’s the crazy thing… she doesn’t even know that she wants it! At least, she never did until the absence of it made people question her on it and so she questions herself now.
Aren’t you lonely? Don’t you want a baby? Who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?
Society viewing her as not enough on her own has created enough doubt in her mind causing her to make some unwise choices (her characterization, not mine).
She knows that comes from a place of desperation. This woman who was once full of life – the very thing that attracted people to her – is now lonely and depressed. This vicious cycle leaves no space for attracting what she deeply desires.
Many women, and I am one of them, know firsthand the importance society places on a woman finding “the one”.
Far too many women were taught that you “need” a man to be okay rather than wanting a relationship with another to enhance your life.
Too many still feel incomplete without one.
This conditioning is hard to break. I’ve seen this with me in the past and with women in my life who are single now. The desire to make that relationship work at all costs is what ends up ultimately sabotaging it.
When things go south, sometimes our way of dealing with it is to get controlling and demanding. Some get needy and clingy. Some go full-on ostrich and pretend nothing is happening at all! None of that works.
You had different expectations of how this relationship would go so now you are in pain because you are disappointed.
A while after my divorce, I decided to re-enter the dating world. But I was wiser this time. I had grown so much; in fact, I was a completely different person than the one I was at the end of the marriage.
I knew that it was necessary to look at how I did relationship – romantic or platonic – from a different perspective. How I had been taught to approach relationships all of my life was wrong and ineffective.
Around this time I started diving deep into the idea of non-attachment. Non-attachment is the practice of allowing your well-being to rely solely on your own self-respect and self-acceptance rather than relying on external situations or relationships to provide that for you.
So naturally, I looked at approaching a new relationship with non-attachment. But how does one do that?
The key, I discovered, was to focus on the type of relationship I wanted rather than a specific person.
What I didn’t do was date a bunch of randoms attaching myself to one whenever I found a man I really liked whether or not he was equally invested in me.
What I did was a self-inquiry. I focused on what the perfect relationship would be for me rather than trying to mold a specific person into my desires and preferences.
So I asked a ton of questions! Here are a few to get you started…
- How did I want to feel in a relationship?
- How did I want the other person to feel being in a relationship with me?
- What do I want the relationship to look like?
- What kinds of things do I want to do in this relationship with him?
- How often do I want to see him?
- What level of commitment am I honestly looking for?
- What qualities are important to me in another person?
- What feelings do I want us to evoke from one other when we’re together?
- What are my deal-breakers and non-negotiables?
- Do I actually want a relationship at all?
Be brutally honest in your inquiry. No one will see this but you! This is your chance to craft the life you want, the relationship you want.
Come up with answers that are a true reflection of you – not what you have been told is “right”, not what you are told you should want and not what your friends have, particularly if you know you want something different.
Align with the relationship. Hold that as your point of attraction. Let that vibrate into your energetic experience rather than using a particular person as target practice!
When you are intentional, you create the life you want.
When you are unintentional, you are letting life happen to you.
It is up to you how you experience this world. Life is short. Make it count.
Tell me what’s on your mind…
There’s a lot going on at the moment and
sometimes you just need a fresh perspective.
So, for a limited time, I’m bringing back my Soul-to-Soul sessions!
That’s 1.5 hours, 1 on 1, talking about whatever is weighing you down.
$99 (that’s half-price!) By Zoom or phone call.
Email me to book your spot!